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한국어: 미안해요 华语: 白日做梦 This is a fun little 'pet-project' of a schoolgirl where she goes on to vent her feelings, thoughts and views, write, and babble on about nonesense that goes about her usual life. |
Info  If you've found this blog, then chances are great that you know me. I'm just a regular asian schoolgirl, and there's nothing out of the ordinary with me. But alongside that, I am a violinist, an artist, a model, a travel enthusiast, and a web designer. I love many things such as: my culture, foreign languages, books, stuffed animals, the rain, and animals. In the same breath, I dislike a few things. These few would consist of: homework, cold weather, milk, heights and crowded beaches. I also have my share of hopes and dreams alongside everyone else.
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Tuesday, December 22, 200911:44 AM
one year station
Fact: 'The world is jealous of us...' I'm not in love with you. I'm in love with the idea of you. I'm in love with the picture off you that I carry within my mind as I go about my day to day routine. But, I know that you aren't the same. The chances that you are slim that you two are even the same person. You are your own person, and I am my own. Ahh, Christmas is almost here. But I don't feel anything anymore. To be honest, I haven't felt much of anything for the holiday in years. As a child, Santa's visit was a grand celebration, with decorations, lights, and peppermint. But as we grew older, and the days grew shorter, the merry feeling left. Nowadays, we're too busy to even set up a tree, or anything really. Our traditions have reduced themselves to a simple trip to the movie theater. The Christmas season brings my family stress, and depression. It depresses me especially when people say: 'see you next year', for some odd reason) During this season, we're all obligated to be 'merry and joyful'. I miss the old days of lights and laughter. I promised myself that I would spend this break studying, since in actuality, it is quite short, and four days have already gone. So far, I've been reluctantly keeping to it. So it's not too terrible. Aigoo! I seem morbid and depressed every time I seem to write on here lately. But I assure you, I'm quite content, and very very happy. <3 I hope you all have a wonderful holiday! And I shall see you all soon! <3 ---- TOP OF PAGE
Saturday, December 5, 20091:06 PM
baby, it's cold outside
Fact: Do you still remember me? Oh no. Old Man Winter is knocking on my door, bearing gifts. Today, he brings me a thick and heavy blanket made of intricate tiny snowflakes and lost whispers. My eyes peer at the gift curiously, and I draw a breath. Like a child, I'm disappointed. Like a child, I'm taken aback. And like a child, I withdraw, and give a grateful smile; as if I had had my hopes up for something else. It feels like childhood. But once again, instead of the nice shiny toy coated in thick cellophane and bows, it seems like I've received another Christmas sweater than I will never wear. Old Man Winter seems to have come early this year, and with him he brings his cold shaky breathing that I can't seem to escape from. He takes a grey veil, and hides the sun as if she's lost and is now something too painful to recall. Winter cradles me gently as if I'm a grandchild he hasn't seen in many moons. Like such a grandchild, I fidget and squirm beneath his embrace. I want to put a great distance between us He is now an awkward and unfamiliar presence. I no longer feel as attached or as warm as I was back in my days of blissful childhood. In a short summer, I've grown up without him. I no longer cling to his arms. I no longer frolic and partake in silly winter games in the snow with him. We don't exchange snowballs, and we no longer make snow angels together. I stay inside in the comfort of the fireplace without him. I feel that Old Man Winter has now become bitter from my indiffference and neglect. He's become colder, and seems to punish me with me with his frigid 'affection'. He fiercely pinches my cheeks and ears until their raw and rosy. His fond actions are in an attempt to constantly remind me of his presence. He doesn't want me to forget him. And he doesn't want to just become a memory when his visit comes to a close... __________________________ Ahh, winter is upon us all, and it's frigid outside. I've just returned home from the Nationals pageant. I'm your national runner up for talent now. I'm glad to take a nice break from the hectic hairspray and glitter of glamour and pageantry. I'm feeling melancholy and doleful today. Even though I was 'extremely over qualified', had an 'impressive academic record', and 'distinguished history merited strong consideration', I didn't receive the scholarship to go abroad. Hm. I can't put into words how much it greatly upsets me. I feel the need to shed tears over the matter, but I know that I won't. I'll lay awake upset in the comfort of my sheets and blanket tonight. Tomorrow, I will wake up and the feeling will be gone. It will all feel like a dream, and that such an incident never occurred. I want to be bitter, and hold a grudge against those that made the decision to choose someone else over me. But I know that I'm not that kind of a person. My animosity will dissipate with the sleep that clings to my eyelashes when I awake. I wanted to go so bad, but it's okay. You all know how my parents dangled it before my eyes and whipped it away, forcing me to get the scholarship or stay home. They promised me I could study in Osaka, but whipped that away for my sister's pageant. They did the same this year. But I'm not too upset. Life happens. And life goes on. I'll have more opportunities. But other than that, I hope you all have a wonderful season of holidays! I wish you a happy New Year ( and Chinese New Year on Valentine's Day ), and great opportunities and good health! ---- |
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