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한국어: 미안해요 华语: 白日做梦 This is a fun little 'pet-project' of a schoolgirl where she goes on to vent her feelings, thoughts and views, write, and babble on about nonesense that goes about her usual life. |
Info  If you've found this blog, then chances are great that you know me. I'm just a regular asian schoolgirl, and there's nothing out of the ordinary with me. But alongside that, I am a violinist, an artist, a model, a travel enthusiast, and a web designer. I love many things such as: my culture, foreign languages, books, stuffed animals, the rain, and animals. In the same breath, I dislike a few things. These few would consist of: homework, cold weather, milk, heights and crowded beaches. I also have my share of hopes and dreams alongside everyone else.
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Articulate Tagboard here, i reckon cbox.
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Thursday, November 27, 20088:02 PM
happy turkey day  Fact: I'm going to YaleIt's not what you think. I'm not that outrageously that smart, but I wish I was. BUut before I explain that, I'll tell you about my Thanksgiving. This morning I had to get up early and go to the next state over to visit some family. I had a good time seeing everyone. We tradtionally don't have turkey, but we do once in a while. This year just wasn't one of those years. But I gotta say the finger food was fun. Lol, I never realized how much I liked my aunt's pigs in blanket. The ride was long, but it was worth it. So a few of my aunts are medical researchers at the Yale labs, and they invited me to come over during the winter break and come to the studies with them. I'm extremely excited! Lol, I always wanted a lab coat XD But other than that news, I'm extremely excited that Christmas is on its way. I love the winter/Christmas-iness of it all. We'll end up putting up our tree soon, and I can't wait for those Pillsbury holiday cookies. Those and gingerbread cookies are the best. ---- TOP OF PAGE
Wednesday, November 26, 200811:08 PM
i'm glad we're okay  Fact: Happy Turkey Day!This is just going to be a quick one, and so I wish you all a good Thanksgiving with your familes, and travel safely. All I really have to say is that I'm glad that we're okay. I missed you, and I'm glad the misunderstanding is gone. I hope we get back to where we used to be. ---- TOP OF PAGE
Monday, November 24, 20087:46 PM
make it better  Fact: Men In Black II is a very good movieI guess I need to catch up with these since the last one I wrote was on Thursday. Well, there isn't much to say. I had a Lyme disease scare, where my mother tried to scare me. Hmm, I went out with a friend on Friday and caught up with a bunch of people. Saturday I went to the craft store to buy supplies for my English project. And Sunday, I went to the mall with my mother and just hung out. I wore said blouse to school today with a skirt, and froze to death outside when we had a fire drill. I also found out I did relatively well on the tests, but not good enough. I found a few new confidants, and I did a good amount of research for one of my projects that I still have a good month to complete. Once I got home I started some homework, watched Men in Black, and fell asleep on the couch afterwards. When I got up and went to get a glass of water, though I really don't like it, I realize that my fish Casey had died and was floating in th tank. I had to say it made me sad. I had gotten him on Labor Day and I managed to keep him alive for quite a long while, which is a big accomplishment. I guess I grew attatched to him. I had recieved two more fish last week as a gift from my uncle. But one of the new ones died two days later. And three days later, the other new one died. And two days after that, my Casey died. I guess the two new fish were sick or something. I guess for the past few days I've been feeling blue. I've been very tired lately, and I don't really know how to explain it. I've just been down in the dumps. I guess there's a reason, but it's hard to put into words. I guess I just miss people. They're there, but not entirely there. So tomorrow I have an oral presentation on Uranium, which will be quite fun. In English I have a Vocab test which I still have to study for. We're doing CPR, and drawing people. So that will be fun. I just glad we aren't modelling and sitting still for an hour. I was surprised my father made it home in one piece. He went out and partied with his guy friends, and he usually ends up doing something horrendously stupid. I never realized how much I hated such behaviour until now. All I really did was pray that he didn't choke to death or get alcohol poisoning. And he came back fine. Which was good, I'd like to believe that he didn't drink much at all there.It's like how one of my friends takes quite a strong stance against smoking, I guess I'm the same with alcohol I just don't speak out against it with such passion. I guess I admire him for that. I just avoid talking about it. It makes me a hyocrite doesn't it? I remember you with your exesscive drinking. I remember attempting to tell you how wrong it was, and I remember you trying to persuade me that it was perfectly fine. You weren'y one to be swayed, so I never spoke to you about your behavior again. To this day I wonder why I didn't leave you as soon as I found out. Maybe I stayed with you because you were flawed, and I believed I could change you for the good. I guess I didn't do much to help you did I. I guess as I grow older I'll probably drink, but little for I don't have much of a taste for it. Wow, I wrote a lot. ---- TOP OF PAGE
Thursday, November 20, 20089:04 PM
i figured i was due for a new post  Fact: I'm Tivo-ing Grey's Anatomy right nowSo I don't really know what to say. I had something to say, I don't remember anymore. Well, whatever, I'll figure it out. So the past few days I've spent gauging my eyes out trying to study for a large amount of tests. And recently, I've realized how stressed I get. Since the week we were assigned that project in my history class I've been kinda freaking out about it. Like you know, 'omg, I only have six weeks left to do it'. I hate what you do to me. I'm pretty sure I've explained this matter to you recently. Today you just kinda somewhat bugged me. I avoided you in the halls, and for a while I thought I was doing well. I guess I looked for someone else. I was sure I was over you. And then today on the news feed on Facebook, their's said 'in an open relationship', and I flipped. I kept thinking, 'awww, but why?'. I tried convincing myself that it was fine. So as the creeper I am, I actually went to their profile just to confirm my suspicions. But I was wrong. It was one of those jokes that people do where they 'marry' their friends. I guess I'm not as over you as I thought. But on to other things. My agency recently got a whole new recruitment of male models, and all I can say is 'YUM'. I hate schoolgirl crushes. They make me feel immature, but it's not like I wasn't beforehand. Last night I had a dream where I was married to the comedian Seth Green, and he was a doctor, and so was I, and we lived in this really nice penthouse/flat in New York. My thought's are really disjointed aren't they? ---- TOP OF PAGE
Friday, November 14, 200810:07 PM
i just want you to know  Fact: You let me downI'd like to think that I was of more value to you than that inanimate object you play with all the time, and worth more to you than a few minutes of your time. So what if it was somewhat inconvientent to you? The least you could do was 'care'. Do you like doing this? Shoving barbed wire down my throat and then pulling it in and out again like the way a clown pulls out scarves from its sleeve? You find it fun do you not? You're leading me around in circles. You're going to lead me off a cliff aren't you? I wouldn't be surprised, but you never seemed like that type of person. Maybe what I see is just a veneer. Maybe you're like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I hope you had fun twisting and playing with me like I was a glob of Play-doh in your hands. Amusing right? Like a child in kindergarten, you'd build up, and then tear it down, experimenting in any which way that you can. Basic principles of Godliness and control. I'll let you in on a secret. You are one of the few people that could ever bring me down so low. And you did today. You let me down. You let me fall. You let me shatter into a little pieces. ---- TOP OF PAGE
Thursday, November 13, 20083:17 PM
I was thinking today  Fact: You should've said no; baby and you might still have meSo today I was in my math class and my friends behind me were singing random songs, like one was singing 'I'm Your's' by Jason Mraz, and the other was singing 'I Won't Say I'm in Love' from Hercules. And it got me thinking. There are always those lines in songs that you can't help but repeat in your head, over and over. So I got to thinking and kinda forgot about what was going on in class after our quiz that consisted of three questions. I realized that whenever I get a song in my head, I always remember one line, and forget the rest of the song. Here are some off that top of my head: "You should've said no; baby and you might still have me" -Taylor Swift "So, what were you thinking? I figure its the last I'm letting you go... You gotta break it off, break it off; show him what you got. Get up off the ground, I'm everything your boyfriend's not" - The Friday Night Boys "You never heard me break your heart" -September "Now oh so easily you're over me" The Ting Tings " Who shot that arrow in your in your throat? Who missed the crimson apple?" -The Hush Sound "You gotta go, whether you like this town or not" NeverShoutNever "But I don't even know your name." -Kim Leoni 'Simple and Clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight" -Utada Hikaru "I've been misguided by you, I've been mistreated too." -The Audition "You can't be close enough unless I'm feeling your heart beat." -Hellogoodbye "Hey Mr. Dj, you gotta put that record away, were gonna bury this town tonight" -Cobra Starship "I don't care what you think, as long as it's about me." -Fall Out Boy "I'll be there when you're heart stops beating" +44 "Take a 100 names, and put them on a list, then curse yourself for ever making it." - The Starting Line "Hello little boys, little toys, with the dreams you believe in.." Shiny Toy Guns "SO 1.2.3.4 hitotsu zutsu1.2 STEP you sou yattekimi no koto wo shitte ikitai no" - Ayumi Hamasaki Wow, not that I look at them, they're all kinda lovey dovey? But I guess I'll write somethign else later. You should have thought twice before you let it all go. ---- TOP OF PAGE
Wednesday, November 12, 20083:08 PM
congrats  Fact: You're quite the popular one aren't you?I guess you are, since for the past few days you've been the center of each post minus a select few. Well, I guess I have more to say to you :] Again I gotta say that you confuse me. Today much more so than usual. What's with you? Again with the avoiding, and again with the 'closeness' [yes, I am aware that isn't really a word]. Are you bipolar? Or do you just keep changing your mind? Because you're frustrating me today. I think I actually felt 'sad' today. But really, you keep going back and forth, back and forth. Please save us both the trouble and/or pain by just making a decision already. The more you sit on it, the worse it'll become. I guess we'll have this all figured out on Friday... ---- TOP OF PAGE
Tuesday, November 11, 200811:31 PM
randomness  Fact: I'm doing this to put off the fact that I should be sleepingAs you all may know, we've all been assigned a recent project in English class to write a short story. The idea of it is so broad I've had trouble figuring what to write about. I have a few lines, but that's just about it. I got bored while I was talking to one of my friends andcame up with a bunch of opening lines. But most of them I found whilst online on a few websites where people just write opening lines that are free for anyone to use. [I don't even this 'whilst' is a word] "The music swirled around the room like a warm and fragrant mist, and her shoulders curled in protectively, as if she half-expected one of the piano strings to snap and strike her dead. Because listening to something so beautiful had to come with a heavy price." I never played the piano. I just thought a piano would seem nicer than a violin or cello. I always wanted to play the cello. XD I only chose the violin because it was easier for me to carry at the time, and now it's been nine years. I did play the piano at one point, I quit because my teacher was a horrid woman, but now I wish I didn't. This one's the only one here that I wrote. "It was nine in the morning. It was way too early for man-slaughter." It made me think of a joke two of my friends always tell. :] "If you're going to kill yourself, you should at least make it as inconvienent as possible for everyone else." It would be amazing if I did since it is amazing lol. Everyone really seems to like this one too. "When I grow up, I want to be a mailman--but not for the reasons you might think." "Yes, I killed a man. Yes, I meant to do it. No, I'm not apologizing. Any questions?" "Looking back on my life now, I realized I should have taken the chance to drive my fourth grade teacher insane." "I don't want any sympathy! I just want another drink!" "Her lips tasted like cherries. I hate cherries." "Some people actually go to McDonalds for the food. Not me." "Another gray morning, and again the muffins were screaming at me." "What, are you implying? That people lie? On the internet?" "All adventures need to end with ice cream." "You have no idea how much fun Wal-Mart is with a shotgun in your hand." "There I am, stark naked and chained to the handicap stall and what happens? The fire alarm goes off." [One of my guy friends sent this one to me] "The other half of my unhealthy relationship was curled into my back, grinding his teeth softly in his sleep." "The first lesson I learned after joining the gym was simple, yet vital: never make eye contact" "Whoever said that children were our future obviously never had any. If children are our future, then it is a very bleak future indeed." "Punching someone in the face is harder than it looks in the movies. Knowing this does not help the fact that I just broke my hand on some guy's face." "Everybody has their role to play in the universe but it's up to you to make sure that people remember your performance." ♥ {thearter!} I guess I've procrastinated long enough. I should go to bed. But I accidentally slept til 8 pm today when I went to bed at one in the morning last night. It depresses me that my day off went to such a waste. Why didn't you call and wake me up? ---- TOP OF PAGE
10:01 PM
it's a fact  Fact: I miss youYou and I both have been busy recently and I'd hate to think that we're falling apart. There was a point where I could actually feel it, and I kind of tired in vain to prevent it from happening like that. Maybe I'm just being selfish and trying too hard. Maybe I just don't want things to go their course. I want things to be like they used to. You know? We've both changed, and yet we both havent in other aspects. Maybe things will go back like they used to be, because all this saddens me. I know you're not doing this purposely. Well, at least I hope you aren't. I remember when we were extremely close, and I wish it was still so. Sometimes I feel like you've replaced me with someone better, and try to avoid me as much as possible. I never once thought that such a thing we would happen. I'm afraid because, I don't want to be left behind. ---- TOP OF PAGE
Monday, November 10, 200811:23 PM
-shifty eyes-  Fact: You weren't thereCan I really scold you for this? No, I can't. But it would've been nice if you were there you know? I always love what you say. I promised myself I wouldn't cry tonight. But I did. Do you remember what you did when I told you that you confused me? Well, I would hope you would, because truthfully, you do confuse me. I don't know what to do with you. You cause little internal battles within myself. Should I, or should I not? Because of you, I've asked many people on their opinion. Everyone's was different. Shall I listen to you? Or you? You know, one of my friend's was glad when he heard this. He's a smart fellow. And awesome guy. He told me it was better than the last since the last was well, you guys know right? Well, if you don't you're missing out on a lot. It was rather this than that, he said. I don't know what even happened. I kinda fell back into it. But really, you need to make up your mind because I never know what's going on with you. ---- TOP OF PAGE
Saturday, November 8, 200812:06 AM
you confuse me  Fact: You're overly complex, but not at the same timeLike I said, you confuse me. One day you do this. The next you do that. And today you do something completely and totally different. You were never really like this. You always stayed in a consistent state of mind. The other day I was somewhat sure I knew what you were thinking. The next I was iffy. And today I was just downright confused. I guess you're just human right? Someone caused me to be upset to the extent that I began to cry. And honestly, I haven't cried in a very very very long time. I couldn't tell you a year, because that's not true. But honestly maybe eight months? I don't really remember. So, upset, I looked to you. I shouldn't have expected you to do anything. But I wished you did. I would've shown that you 'remotely' cared. I never went to you on the many occassions I wanted to because I knew you would do nothing to help nor console me. I wish we could go back you know. Just to see what it was like, and what I didn't see. But I made a wish for you today. I wished that you'd be okay. ---- TOP OF PAGE
Tuesday, November 4, 200810:31 AM
2 more days  Fact: 'Give me your immortality and I'll set you up against the stars'If you've been trying to read my blog in recent days but came across and acess thing, I'm sorry. I was changing somethings when my host site went down on me. But now it's back up and running. Can you believe there's only two days left until my school play opens? I'm excited, but nervous at the same time. I bet you all understand the feeling. Today's headshot night, which excites me. XD Lol, last year no one could tell my headshot from everyone else's because I looked so different with make up on. I'm sad though because all the awesome seniors are gonna be graduating, and I just love them. I'll end up crying. Our seniors that graduated last year are coming back to see our show. If you were ever to meet them all you could think is 'wow, these guys are amazing'. XD The shows been going on with some drama. And by what I mean by drama, it's only a minor thing that one of the freshman dropped out days before the show. It's a good thing she was only and extra and didn't have any lines. Otherwise it could've turned out to be a disaster. Today's election day! Which is exciting but not at the same time. I favor Obama and at the same time I don't favor him. I favor McCain, but a the same time I don't. There are aspects of each policies that I like, and other parts that I don't. I guess that's it? ---- TOP OF PAGE
Saturday, November 1, 20087:52 PM
Calling you  Fact: Pick up your phoneToday I was walking to Kmart down a secret passage to pick up something today when I was sending birthday messages via text to some friends. Bored, I flipped through the contacts list, and I found your name. I contemplated calling you since we haven't spoken in years, but then decided against it because you weren't important enough for me to waste my minutes on. So I hit 'exit' and kept walking. So as I was walking through the aisles, I thought about why and what the reason was that made up drift apart. I couldn't think much of it. So again, I forgot about you. When I got home the first thing I did when I got home was eat dinner, then hopped on the computer to look you up on Facebook. After a minute I realized why. You were a fucking bastard. You were that asshole that went around seeming like the best person. But then once someone got to know you, they realized that you were a selfish, egotistical jackass. You said horrible things to me, and I realize that you're not worth my time, or the world for that matter. You never needed me? Fine. I was the only fucking person that gave a shit about you. Now you sit alone at lunch. Heh, all I can do is really laugh because you brought this unto yourself. You're hand always shoots up to answer questions in class, but then you turn all red when you always get them wrong. Stop trying to seem like a fucking smartass. You're just another glob of useless flesh like the rest of us are. You're not special; no one is. After all you did to me and everyone else around you, I'm glad I didn't call you. It would be a stupid mistake on my part. I know you're not gonna fail in life. You 'intimidate' people. People like you get quite far in life. And that's because no one wants to say anything about it. So you know what? I hope you're happy now that a gave you a moment of my time. You ruined my day. ---- |
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